


Red Poppy

by Jinxi222



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Blood, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, Langst, M/M, Multi, Pain, Pining, Pining Lance (Voltron), Sad, hanahaki, shklance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 09:08:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12861330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinxi222/pseuds/Jinxi222
Summary: Lance couldn't believe it. There was no way. But the petals are there, the pain even more proof.He had fallen for both of his teammates. The ones that were already together.And it hurts.Hanahaki disease fic. Prepare yourself for an emotional roller coaster.





	1. Chapter 1

“Keith? Shiro?” Lance yelled into the comms, getting panicked. Nothing but static answered him. 

 

The red and black paladins had lost contact soon after they had been heard fighting off some galra soldiers. The others were silent, holding their breath as they feared the worst but hoped for the best. “Keith! Shiro!” Lance cried again, voice going hoarse. He felt tears falling down his cheeks. His heart was aching, wanting nothing more than any sign of life from the both of them. The epiphany hit him like a tidal wave, crashing over him hard enough for him to fall to his knees as he listened to the static.

 

He couldn’t stand to lose either of them.

 

He cared so deeply for both of them, had liked them for awhile. Keith’s smile, his hair, their bickering and competitions. Shiro’s strong jaw line, the way he looked when he could finally let go and relax, the way he cared so much about everyone. He realized with a pang in his heart that he loved everything about them, but he had never said a thing to them. He had thought he had time. Never even imagining that they could be ripped from his life forever without any chance of saying goodbye.

 

He loved them. Both of them.

 

Lance’s reverie was interrupted by a transmission. “-in. Do you read me?” Shiro’s voice faded in. 

 

“Shiro,” Allura greeted, “We hear you.”

 

“Good. We’re on our way back.” Keith’s voice chimed in next. 

 

Pure relief flooded over Lance, filling him with hope. He decided then and there that he was going to tell them how he felt as soon as they got back. That he wasn’t going to regret never saying anything, them never knowing what they meant to him. How lost he would be. He wiped at his face, grinning wildly.

 

As soon as they were in view from the deck he ran down to the hangar as fast as he could. He paused outside the door to take a deep breath and gather himself. He walked in, not ready for what he found.

 

Keith and Shiro apparently had the same epiphany Lance had. The blue paladin watched as they embraced each other then kissed passionately, holding onto one another as if they were terrified to let go and risk the other disappearing. Lance felt numb, then his heart dropped, before it shattered with a pang in his chest.

 

~~~

 

Lance was hanging out with Hunk as the yellow paladin was testing out some recipes. Lance wasn’t as chipper as usual, too lost in thought about what had hurt him only a few days ago. Being his childhood friend, Hunk had definitely noticed the change. “Hey, buddy, are you alright?”

 

“Hmm?” Lance’s head popped up, and he started to think of a lie. Then he thought better of lying to the one person who knew him best. “I uh… I’m just thinking.” It was true enough.

 

“Is this about Keith and Shiro being together?” Hunk asked, putting something in the oven. The two paladins had come out to the team a few days after Lance had seen them in the hangar. Lance had congratulated them with a big, slightly forced smile and a hug. It hurt him to know he couldn’t be with them, but he was glad they were happy together. They deserved each other.

 

Lance squawked, “What!? How did you-”

 

“You only stare at them like a lovesick puppy dog, man.” He sighed, turning to face him as he set a timer. “Plus you haven’t been yourself since they got together after that mission. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” 

 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Hunk.”

 

“Lance.” Hunk gave him a look, “I know you better than anyone on this ship, and you know I know you had a crush on them since we’ve been here, maybe even longer.”

 

Lance huffed, crossing his arms while he considered how he felt when he saw them together and happy. “I mean, okay, maybe there’s something I feel for them… But I would never do anything to hurt them, or mess anything up between us. I like them too much... Both of them. Urgh, I can’t say anything because it could ruin us being able to form Voltron. I want to tell them how I feel, but there’s no way I can risk ruining everything.” He finally admitted, slumping down in defeat before laying his head down on the counter with a groan. “Hunk I’m such a mess.”

 

“Both of…” Hunk frowned at his friend “...Oh, Lance… you’re not a mess. You can’t help who you love.” He patted his back, “At least you’re handling this maturely, you’ll get over them in no time. There’s so many people out there, and we meet more every day.” He offered a small, hopeful smile.

 

“I hope so…” Lance picked up his head, small smile on his face even if it wasn’t genuine. “Thanks, big guy.” He stood and turned to go, rubbing at the sudden tight feeling in his chest.

 

“Lance…” Hunk called, stopping him. Lance turned to look at his friend. “Please, try to move on. I don’t want what happened to your cousin to happen to you.” He begged, looking concerned. “First it’s this then a tickle in your throat and then next thing you know you’re coughing up flowers. I don’t want to see you suffer like that, and I can’t lose you. You’re my best friend. We’ve known each other since we were kids.”

 

Lance knew Hunk had every right to be worried. His family was more prone to the hanahaki disease than others. Lance was there when one of his cousins had passed from the flowers growing in her lungs. Unrequited love manifesting and taking a soul that let itself fall too fast for someone who could never love them back. 

 

And with the way things were going Lance was very likely to have the same fate.

 

“I’ll do my best, buddy. There are a lot of lovely people out here that would love a piece of this.” He grinned, striking a pose as he put on his false bravado. It seemed to satisfy Hunk enough, and Lance made his way out of the kitchen. Wondering if he could really make himself get over Keith and Shiro.

 

~~~

 

Lance pulled on his robe over his paladin pajamas, putting on his slippers and heading out his door. It was their night cycle, the lights were dim and he hadn’t been able to sleep. He had been unable to fall asleep for the past few days since his conversation with Hunk. Too plagued by his worries and nightmares of developing hanahaki, or worse having to get the surgery to remove seeds that grew in his lungs, and with them all memories and feelings towards Shiro and Keith. 

 

Dragging his feet he headed to the observation deck. He often went to to look at the stars when he was homesick or feeling down. The stars and galaxies swirling and glowing brightly, beautifully. It was enough of a distraction, and the sheer loneliness of it was strangely comforting. It made him feel like he wasn’t so alone, for with a universe so vast and varied, he couldn’t be the only one feeling this way. The door slid open and he made his way in, stopping when he heard some muffled noises.

 

He looked around immediately finding the source. Keith and Shiro were in front of the large window. They were holding each other close, kissing and whispering what Lance assumed were sweet nothings. He felt a pang in his chest, a longing to be a part of such a sweet moment took hold as he backed out of the room. Lance felt like an intruder, and he just wanted to get away without anyone noticing, or making matters worse. The doors hissed when they opened and the pair turned to look at him. 

 

Panicking he turned and bolted, running back to his room. When he got there he felt a tickle in his throat, he cleared it figuring it was from running. He listened at the door in case either of the other paladins had come after him. A small part of him hoping that they had followed, maybe wanted to check on him. That any second they would knock on his door, so he waited.

 

They didn’t come.

 

He rubbed at the tightness in his chest as he stared at the ceiling, willing his feelings away.

 

~~~

 

The next morning he walked into the kitchen, folding his arms on the counter and groaning as he sat his head down on them. “Couldn’t sleep, buddy?” Hunk asked, putting a bowl of food goo next to him.

 

“Urgh, you don’t know the half of it.” Lance moaned, sitting up sleepily. “I’ve had this tightness in my chest and a little cough. I think it’s just a cold or something.”

 

Hunk paused what he was doing and gave Lance a suspicious look. “Did… anything else happen around the time you started feeling that way?” 

 

Lance hummed then fessed up, “Yeah I uh… kinda walked in on Shiro and Keith having a moment on the observation deck. Why?”

 

Hunk sighed, closing his eyes then leveling Lance with a stern look. “You haven’t gotten over them, have you?”

 

“What? Hunk, buddy! My man!.... I-” Lance’s grin fell when Hunk just kept staring. “I-.... quiznack… No. I haven’t.”

 

“And… do you have a tickle in your throat?” Hunk seemed worried now.

 

“I did a little, but I was running away so… I figured it was that.”

 

Hunk was shaking his head. “Lance. I really think you need to have Coran scan you for Hanahaki.”

 

“No way, Hunk.” Lance glared, “I don’t have it. I’m fine.”

 

“Please, Lance, at least let me scan for it? We won’t have to tell anyone unless we find something.” Hunk begged, tearing up a little. “Before this gets any worse, maybe that way we can do something.”

 

“It’s not going to get any worse because I don’t have it.” Lance glared at his friend, standing up.

 

“Don’t have what?” Shiro asked as he walked into the kitchen to get a space juice box.

 

Hunk and Lance had a small stare down which made Shiro only a little confused. Hunk finally threw his arms in the air and turned away from Lance, “He apparently doesn’t have any self preservation of common sense!” He snarked.

 

Shiro chuckled and Lance felt that tickle in his throat again. “Well from the way he’s thrown himself into situations to save others in the past… I might just have to agree with you there.”

 

“Shiro!” Lance protested, but then was cut off by a cough forcing it’s way out. Hunk gave him a look that clearly read as ‘I told you so’, but Lance waved him off. As far as he was concerned there were no petals, so Hunk had no proof. 

 

“Are you alright, Lance?” Shiro asked, rubbing circles on his back and giving him a concerned expression. 

 

That wasn’t helping, it was making his heart do crazy things, and Lance relented that maybe Hunk was onto something. “Fine, fine. Just a little tickle in my throat, I’ll be alright.”

 

“Okay…” Shiro frowned, brows furrowed. “Uh… listen, can I talk to you? About yesterday-”

 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Shiro, really.” Lance forced a grin as he started to back out of the room. “I interrupted and I’m sorry. Won’t happen again.”

 

“No, that’s not-”

 

“Oh I think I was supposed to milk Kaltenecker, I better go do that. Bye!” He said as he ducked out of the kitchen and hurried out of the hall, waiting until he was out of sight to stifle a cough once more.

 

~~~

 

A few days later Lance was walking down the hall towards the main deck, the incident from a few nights prior still running through his head despite his best attempts to rid his mind of them.

 

He was in the middle of putting these thoughts to the back of his mind when he tripped over his own feet. He fell straight on his face, and prayed no one saw.

 

So naturally he immediately heard someone laughing. He groaned, cursed his life and sat up to look at who it was. Then cursed his life again when he saw that Keith was cracking up while Shiro was trying to hide a laugh. “Are you alright, Lance?” Shiro asked, offering his hand and helping him up.

 

“I’m fine.” Lance grumbled, giving Shiro a thankful smile before turning to Keith who was still laughing. He couldn’t help but be happy seeing Keith’s carefree smile. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy. Or heard your laugh.” He said, “It’s nice.” 

 

Keith shook his head, smiling at Lance, and making him feel giddy. “Let’s go see what we’re doing.”

 

They walked in, Lance was rubbing at his face with a small frown, and Keith still grinning. Pidge noticed and raised an eyebrow, “You sure are happy, what happened?” She asked Keith.

 

“Can’t I smile sometimes for no reason?” Keith retorted.

 

“Lance fell on his face in the hallway.” Shiro supplied, smirking at Lance who looked offended. 

 

“The betrayal!” Lance cried, dramatically slumping against Hunk who patted him sympathetically. “I can’t go on, buddy, it hurts too much.” He started sliding down, making Hunk catch him.

 

Allura rolled her eyes at his antics, while Coran seemed slightly concerned. 

“Okay team.” Shiro said, stepping up onto the platform, “This should be a fairly simple mission. Keith, Lance, and I will go down to see if the planet is safe. Hunk, Pidge, you two will go with Coran to make sure the nearby Galra base is really empty. Then get some supplies before you head back here.” He went on to explain the details of all their roles, but Lance wasn’t listening too closely. He was too busy freaking out internally over the way they had been split up.

 

Before he could come up with a good enough reason to not go, Shiro was sending everyone to their lions. 

 

It was pretty quiet as they descended onto the planet’s surface. No signs of any towns or cities, only a few scattered ruins. Keith and Shiro’s faces popped up on Lance’s screen as Shiro spoke, “Keep an eye out for anything suspicious or any towns. We need to be sure this is a safe enough planet for us to make some repairs to the castle ship.” 

 

Lance nodded, “You got it, Shiro.” He said, feeling a little better after listening to his calm, soothing voice. There was an odd tickle in the back of his throat, and he coughed a few times to get rid of it.

 

“Lance, while we’re out here I think we need to talk.” Shiro added.

 

Uh oh, that couldn’t be good. Lance sighed, looking at his face, “About what?” He asked, just as Blue’s alarms started to blare. He yelped in surprise and felt what to do through the bond he shared with his lion. He did as he was instructed and held on, screaming as Blue shut down. He braced himself for impact, then everything went dark. 

 

~~~

 

“-nce… Lance!” Keith’s voice reached him, and he realized he was being shaken. 

 

Blinking open his eyes, Lance tried to take in his surroundings. “Wha-? What happened?” He asked, moving to sit up and getting a sharp pain that had him flopping back down in agony. 

 

“Stay still.” Shiro said, as Lance felt a hand run through his hair. That felt nice. “You got a little banged up in the landing.”

 

“Why did Blue shut down?” Lance asked, looking up and realizing his head was resting in Shiro’s lap. He smiled softly and let himself appreciate the view, watching Shiro as he talked.

 

“There was some kind of interference from the atmosphere. The lions should be back online soon, and if not I’m sure the others will come help us eventually.” Shiro explained, looking away from him. “I’m sure Pidge and Hunk can figure it out. Until then we need to just wait.”

 

Lance followed his gaze and saw Keith putting together a small fire in the cave they were in. He watched the spark catch and the fire flare to life, lighting up Keith’s frame in a pleasant way, reflecting in his violet eyes. Lance thought that he looked gorgeous in the light.

 

“I what?” Keith asked, walking over, his shadowed face hiding a blush. 

“What?” Lance stared back, then realized he had probably said that outloud. He figured it was best to play dumb, much like their ‘bonding moment’. He didn’t want them to know anything. “Did you hear something?” Keith scoffed and rolled his eyes.

 

“Lance.” Shiro said in his warning voice, giving him a pointed look.

 

His heart sank, and he tried to sit up again to get away. He was quickly pressed back down onto Shiro’s lap. “You might have cracked a few ribs, don’t try to do too much.” Keith said, kneeling down next to him his expression looking worried again. Judging by the tightness in his chest, and that it was a little difficult to breathe, Lance figured he was probably right. “I’m glad you woke up though.”

 

“We were really worried about you.” Shiro added, smiling down at him. “I don’t know what we would have done if we had lost you.”

 

“You were?” Lance asked, a small smile forming on his lips.

 

“Yeah.” Keith answered, brow furrowed “I mean, I don’t even know where I stand with you. What I mean to you, I just whenever I think of you I-... I don’t think I’d be able to live without you around.” He admitted, the words slightly mumbled as he tried but failed to meet Lance’s eyes. He eventually looked over to Shiro.

 

“Keith… I think that’s probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Lance replied, eyes falling shut a bit. Shiro shook him to keep him up, and Lance blinked. “Damn… I think that’s probably the most romantic thing I’ve been told too.” He blurted.

 

“Lance.” Shiro’s voice said quietly.

 

“Wha?” Lance frowned then groaned, “Quiznack, did I say that out loud? I didn’t mean it like that Shiro. I would never try and do that to anyone. Especially you two.”

 

Shiro and Keith shared a look, then Shiro sighed, “We should talk since we’re here.”

 

“About what?” Lance frowned, coughing slightly into his fist, that tickle was back in his throat though it was more substantial this time around. He idly wondered why that would be, since he hadn’t been running.

 

“Do you really think we hadn’t noticed the way you watch us?” Keith piped up, watching as Shiro moved Lance closer to the fire. 

 

That got his attention. This was it, he thought, he had been caught. They knew his secret and it was time to be rejected by both of them, at the same time. His sliver of hope was about to be dragged through the mud and shattered into a million pieces so he couldn’t even entertain a fantasy without being reminded they would never feel the same. Lance tried to sit up again only to be pushed back down by Shiro. “It may be a bit of a speculation, but the way you act when you think we aren’t looking… well it-” Lance started hacking, stopping Shiro instantly.

 

Keith rushed over as Shiro moved Lance to thump at his back. Lance felt something get stuck in his throat and panicked a little, but soon it dislodged and he coughed it up into his hand. He closed his eyes and breathed, thankful that his airway was clear again. Keith and Shiro seemed relieved, but Lance was tense as he peeked at what he was holding.

 

Flower petals mixed with a little bit of blood. 

 

Lance felt the blood drain from his face, his heart dropping. 

 

There was no way. It was so rare, and even if a few of his family members had gotten the disease, they weren’t in his immediate family. Lance never even considered he could get the hanahaki disease, even when Hunk had expressed his concern. He stared down at the petals, some red and even stranger some purple that seemed to be from a different flower completely. It was a rare disease, that was true, but even with those who had it would only have one type of flower growing inside of their chests. Lance felt numb as he stared at his now closed fist, he heard the sounds of what must have been Shiro and Keith’s voices asking if he was okay, but they were muffled and he was unable to make sense of them. 

 

He felt himself being shaken, and the grip on his arms was just a little too rough, just enough to ground him and bring him back to reality. After what felt like hours but was really a couple of minutes Lance came back to himself, finally able to decipher what was being said to him.

 

“Lance? Lance, say something? Are you alright?” Keith asked, now crouched in front of him, Lance raised his head and stared into the violet eyes that he had dreamed about more often than not. 

 

“What?” He asked, voice a little scratchy and hoarse from coughing up the flowers and blood. Hearing his own voice made it feel more real. 

 

“Are you okay? You just… you… I…” Keith looked behind Lance to Shiro. 

 

“We’re worried that you may have hurt yourself more than we thought.” Shiro finished. 

 

“I-...” Lance took a deep breath, deciding then and there that there was no way they could know about this. “I’m fine, it’s just like allergies or something.”

 

“Allergies? Really?” Keith raised an eyebrow.

 

“Yeah, mullet. I happen to cough sometimes when I have allergies.” Lance huffed, trying to stand.

 

Shiro’s grip tightened on Lance’s shoulder to keep him in place. “The comms are back online.” He reached up to radio the others, “Pidge, do you copy?... Yeah, can you lock onto our coordinates?... Good…. We-” He paused and looked to Lance, “No, we’ll talk about it back on the castle ship. Right now we need the lions back online.”

 

Lance tuned out the rest, curling into himself as he wrapped his arms around his knees. Shiro stood to walk towards the entrance. Lance curled up tighter and squeezed his eyes shut, feeling some tears start to fall down his face. He soon felt an arm around him and a body press up against his side. He looked over and saw Keith pressed against him, looking worried and vulnerable. Lance had never seen him like this. “We’re going to be alright. I know it probably hurts a lot but we can get you to a pod soon.” Keith mumbled, pulling Lance into a gentle hug that just made his chest hurt even more. “I’m really happy you’re okay. Me and Shiro both are.” Keith added, and immediately Lance didn’t feel any more pain in his chest. 

 

Even as Shiro confirmed their lions were back online, and he felt Blue in his mind, Lance felt himself hope a little more.

 

~~~

 

He woke from a healing pod, falling right into strong arms. The delirium from the pod making him relax further, not even bothering with his limbs that felt like jello. “Hmmm~” He hummed happily.

 

“Welcome back, Lance.” Shiro’s voice rumbled with the chest he was held against, followed by a laugh. 

 

“Good to be back.” Lance mumbled, looking up at Shiro dreamily, still a bit loopy.

 

“That sounds familiar.” Keith said, Lance looked over to see his smirk and fond eyes. 

 

Lance let himself wake up a little more, looking around. “Hmm, where is everyone else?”

 

“It’s the middle of the night cycle. Keith and I were too worried about you to sleep so we decided to wait.” Shiro explained, helping Lance stand up on his own.

 

Lance wobbled a little and Keith steadied him, “Yeah, we didn’t want you to wake up alone. You were pretty badly hurt.” Keith’s hands gently prodded at Lance’s ribs, “Are you feeling better?”

 

Lance started laughing, “That tickles, stop!” He shook his head, leaning heavily on Keith. “Thanks… for waiting up for me.” He smiled at Keith and Shiro, “It means a lot.”

 

“Of course, Lance.” Shiro smiled, “Let’s get you to bed.”

 

~~~

 

Hunk gave him a bear hug when he saw him in the morning. Lance had to remind him he had just been in the healing pod because of his ribs. Hunk set him down and gave him a stern look, making sure no one was around before asking, “It wasn’t… you know what acting up, was it?”

 

“Actually… I think…. I think it’s getting better.” Lance smiled softly, thinking about the moments he had shared with the two he loved just recently. “I think they might actually like me. At least a little.” 

 

Hunk blinked, then smiled, “Really? That’s great news!”

 

“Yeah…” Lance grinned, looking down at his feet, “I think I might even confess to them. See how it goes.”

 

“I think that’s a good idea, Lance.” Hunk nodded “That way you can know for sure.” He put his hand on Lance’s shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. 

 

~~~

 

With his mind made up, Lance went about finding Keith and Shiro later that day once he had figured out what to say. He finally found them on the observation deck together. Keith had his arms wrapped around Shiro’s neck and Shiro’s hands rested on Keith’s hips. They were smiling with their foreheads pressed together as they talked about something to each other.

 

Lance decided to be quiet as he approached, not wanting to interrupt something important. However as he approached he caught snippets of their conversation that he hadn’t been prepared to hear. 

 

“...I knew that you were it for me.” Keith mumbled, flushed.

 

Shiro chuckled lovingly, “I felt the same way. Every part of me, I felt it in my bones. We must be soulmates or something.”

 

“Soulmates?” 

 

“Yeah. Soulmates.” Shiro kissed Keith lightly.

 

“You’re so cheesy.” Keith laughed, pulling away a little. He caught sight of Lance and his smile faltered for only a second. “Oh, hey Lance.”

 

Shiro turned his smile towards Lance. “How are you feeling?”

 

Lance stared for a minute, then shook his head, remembering to respond. “Uh, fine, great, peachy.” He felt a pang in his chest, then everything seemed to constrict violently. He was mentally tearing himself apart, for letting himself think that he would be able to get what he wanted.

 

Keith’s brow furrowed “You sure? You’re looking a little… pale…”

 

“Oh uh, yeah, I’m good. S-sorry for… for interrupting.” Lance backed away, clearing his throat. It only seemed to make things worse.

 

Suddenly he couldn’t breathe.

 

“You weren’t interrupting. In fact we wanted to talk to-... are you sure you’re okay?” Shiro asked again, looking concerned.

 

He grabbed at his throat and covered his mouth as his eyes watered. He turned to get out of the room but Shiro was suddenly holding his shoulder. Lance tripped and his attempt at a gasp turned into a coughing fit.

 

Shiro kneeled next to him, trying his best to help as he shouted something. Lance couldn’t hear anything over his panic, he saw a flash of red heading out the door and figured Keith went for help. Lance felt like his lungs had collapsed, they seemed full but not full of air. He felt the droplets of blood slide out of his mouth before they hit the floor and knew what was to follow. 

 

What he hadn’t expected were full blooms along with the petals to fall out. 

 

They kept coming though, not allowing him to pause and take it all in. 

 

The next thing he knew a heavier hand was thumping his back, Hunk’s voice was in his ear saying words Lance’s brain couldn’t wrap around but sounded soothing. He felt faint, and saw black spots in his vision when someone grabbed his chin, angling his face up. He felt something metal push into his mouth and pull the large clump of petals out. He gasped in a breath and looked up through teary eyes at Shiro who was still holding his face. 

 

The panic began to subside as he stared into those gray eyes. “-ve Hanahaki? Lance? Who the hell did this to you!? What happened?” Keith was shouting, sounding ready to go beat someone up for causing Lance such heartache.

 

“Keith, let him breathe.” Shiro huffed.

 

“Lance, oh thank god.” Hunk sighed, pulling Lance out of Shiro’s grip and hugging him, “I was so worried, buddy.”

 

“We all were.” Shiro corrected.

 

Lance started coughing again, but this time it wasn’t as bad. “Who caused this? Is it someone on the ship?” Keith began asking again, getting more and more frustrated. His eyes got wide and he looked over to Shiro, “You don’t think… could it be me or you?” 

 

His coughing got a little worse, Hunk rubbed at his back. “I doubt it, Keith.” Shiro assured his boyfriend. He looked at Lance, “He knows we’re together, and Lance wouldn’t fall for someone already in a relationship.”

 

That made Lance’s heart hurt, and not just because of the sudden vines sprouting from his lungs. He stifled the coughing enough to fake a weak laugh, wanting to hide this as long as he could “Yeah, Keith. I’d have to be some kind of moron to do that.” Lance choked out before another attack hit him, making him hack again. He started feeling light headed, but he didn’t miss the disapproving look Hunk gave him before he passed out.

 

~~~

 

“Lance has what?” Allura asked, sharing her confused expression with Coran. Shiro shook his head and began to explain what he knew about hanahaki. 

 

Pidge was examining the petals that Keith had saved, immediately jumping into her research. Likely to keep from getting too upset. “This is so odd, Lance. There’s two types of petals. Purple Iris, and what I think are Red Gladiolus petals.” She frowned at them then looked to Lance who was sitting propped up against Hunk, slowly trying to scoot away ever since he woke up. Hunk however was watching him like a hawk and wouldn’t let him get away, or allow Keith and Shiro to get close though that was more subtle. “Even when people get this disease it’s only one type of flower that somehow represents who they love.”

 

Lance simply let out a nervous laugh and waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, “Oh uh… no, I had some family members who caught it, they had two types of flowers too. It must be something in my family’s genetics or whatever.” 

 

“Really? Interesting...” Pidge said, if she noticed anything off about that answer she didn’t say anything. Instead she headed off to her lab to study the petals and try to prepare something that will help Lance while they figured out what to do. 

 

“I’m tired, I’m going to go lay down.” Lance said, standing and walking off towards his room while the others started to brainstorm. 

 

All except for Hunk who followed him, stopping him outside of his room. “Lance, your cousins didn’t have two types of petals growing. What’s going on?”

 

Lance looked up at his best friend, and knew he could trust him if no one else. “I-...” He shook his head and he felt it get harder to breathe as he fully acknowledged it. “I fell in love with Keith and Shiro, but they love each other. There’s no room for me. I don’t know what I was thinking, letting myself hope they might both like me back.” He felt himself start crying again as he looked up at the yellow paladin. “Please, Hunk, you can’t tell them. I don’t want them to know, I don’t want them to live with that guilt. And… I wouldn’t be able to take it if they broke up because of me either.” 

 

“Oh, Lance…”

 

He felt Hunk wrap him in a big, comforting hug. “Please, buddy, you can’t say a word, promise me.”

 

“But Lance, what if it will help?”

 

“It won’t, Hunk. Just promise me, please.” 

 

“I-...” Hunk started bawling, “Fine… I hate this, but I promise.” Lance patted him, hugging back. “I just don’t want to lose you, you’re my best friend.”

 

Lance simply shook his head and did his best to reassure him that Pidge and Coran would figure something out. Even though he didn’t mean it. And when Hunk finally calmed down enough to go try and help Pidge, Lance found himself whispering, “I’m going to miss you, Hunk.”

 

~~~

 

Pidge had figured out a way to create a pill that suppressed the vines growing in Lance’s lungs. But it wasn’t a cure. It did lessen the flowers and made the coughing fits more bearable. They couldn’t convince him to tell them who he loved, and Hunk kept his word, staying quiet. They urged him to have surgery to get rid of the seeds, but Lance absolutely refused to even consider it. If they did that surgery and removed them, all his feelings and memories of Keith and Shiro would be gone. And with them, his ability to love would probably be gone too. He would never be happy in a relationship, it would be empty. 

 

So he refused their attempts.

 

There was no way they could change his mind.

 

He suffered as quietly as possible for months. Whenever he felt a coughing fit coming on he would find a reason to go off alone. He would hide all the evidence as best he could. There was a lot of it, but he managed to hide the petals in his room when he couldn’t get rid of them elsewhere. He found himself staring at them with increasing fondness. At least it was a beautiful way to die, he figured.

 

One day he got found out. Hunk had entered his room to surprise him with breakfast in bed. He stared as Lance shoved some petals into a drawer already full of them, before pulling away and wiping at his mouth as he turned. Lance froze, and Hunk set the food tray down, walking over and pulling him into a hug, already crying. “When did it get this bad again?” He demanded. 

 

“It’s been this way for a while.” Lance admitted, hugging him back. “It looks worst than it is, Hunk, I promise.” He assured him, sitting down next to him on the bed. “The petals have just built up, that’s all.”

 

“Lance… I really think you need to tell them.” Hunk said, pleading with him again. “At least they will know. Maybe we can come up with a better way to help you once they know.”

 

“Hunk. If I tell them it will just make things way worse. They’ll hate me for making them feel like that.” Lance shook his head, “It’s not going to happen. I can’t tell them anything.”

 

“How do you know they’ll hate you? They want you to get better as much as I do.”

 

“They won’t once they know that this is because I fell in love with them. I won’t tell them.” Lance shook his head. Then he sighed, “There’s so much I want to say to all of you though, and I don’t know when to bring it up.”

 

“Maybe you can keep a journal. That way when you get better you’ll have plenty of time to tell us.” Hunk said, doing his best to hold onto hope. “Maybe it will help you sort out your feelings and slow down the process.”

 

“Yeah… I guess I could try.”

 

So he decided to write down his thoughts, and he kept a journal of sorts. Mostly it was things he wanted his team to know after he was gone. It ended up being letters to them. It helped.

 

It didn’t help that everyone was showing extra concern for him, especially Keith and Shiro. 

 

They started including him more, even going out of their way to get his opinion on things. Sometimes Keith would convince Lance to spar with them, and he tried not to show that he knew Keith was going easier on him. Finding it easier to gloat and put on a false bravado whenever he ‘won’.

 

Shiro would sometimes find him on the couches in the common room late at night and talk with him for hours about what they missed about Earth. Lance noticed whenever Shiro had tried to steer the conversation towards relationships and either clam up or change the subject. He eventually let Shiro know he knew about his PTSD after one night when Shiro found him while looking like he was still calming down, and offered to help share coping skills. They ended up curled together, Lance grounding Shiro as they both started to drift off to sleep. It made the petals worse the next morning when he woke up with Shiro happily snoozing on him and Keith walked in, not saying anything.

 

The worst thing was when the two of them would sit on either side of him whenever they found him in the observation deck. Sometimes they would even wrap a blanket around themselves, and stare quietly at the stars and galaxies. They curled close together and would rest their heads on him, it felt like they were all in a relationship. Lance let himself believe it for awhile each time, and each time it resulted in more coughing and petals when they had to part. 

 

More heartbreak.

 

It was one night just like that, with the three of them curled together and watching the stars. Shiro and Keith had wrapped their arms around him as they snuggled close. Keith was asleep and muttering a little. Shiro glanced over with a fond smile, “He always talks in his sleep when he’s worried.” He said lovingly. 

 

“Oh?” Lance said, looking away from the look of pure adoration Shiro was giving Keith. He watched Keith’s sleeping form as best he could, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I wonder what’s on his mind.”

 

“Mmm, Love you…” Keith said in his sleep as he nuzzled into Lance’s neck. Shiro’s hand tightened around him and Lance blushed, looking down at him as best he could without waking him, letting himself hope for a second. “...Shiro…” Keith breathed, a small smile on his lips. 

 

Lance’s heart dropped, it had been an awful idea to keep going along with these cuddling sessions. He told himself he was an idiot for even considering that they could love him back. He told himself he knew better, that they had each other, and that they didn’t need a mess like him in their relationship. That they will be better off once this disease finally takes him. Lance turned his attention to the viewing window, trying to take a deep breath to steady himself. 

 

Instead he found himself unable to breathe. 

 

Lance tensed and Shiro looked at him curiously. Lance tried to clear his throat to no avail, his eyes started to water, and he stood, pushing away and trying to rush out the door. Keith was stirring, and Shiro was saying something that he couldn’t hear through the pained attempts at breathing and his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He got halfway to the door before collapsing in a heap and coughing violently. He heard Shiro shouting his name, and Keith’s voice was soon after begging for this not to be happening. Worry, and concern were clear in their voices. 

 

It just made things worse. 

 

Lance was now coughing out full blooms instead of just petals, adding to the small pile building up on the floor. The room was suddenly brighter and he heard the pounding of feet, but it was useless, he knew deep down that this was it. At least he got to spend his last moments with the two people he loved the most. With that thought in his head he let the darkness take over his vision, and passed out.

 

~~~

 

“How is he doing?” Shiro asked, eyes puffy from crying. 

 

“He’s hanging in there, barely.” Coran admitted, looking quite upset. “We were able to cut back the vines enough for him to breathe, but the suppressants seem to have lost effect.” He shook his head. “I’m afraid there isn’t much we can do. He won’t allow us to do the surgery, and we need to respect his wishes.”

 

“So he…?” Pidge started to ask, not wanting to finish the thought. 

 

“He will be able to say goodbyes, but I doubt he will… last another quintant, we have at least a few vargas if we are lucky.” Coran said, looking down. 

 

“Vargas?” Keith asked, sounding quiet and frightened for once.

 

“Barely even vargas.” Coran replied, wiping at his face. “I suggest we start saying our goodbyes as soon as possible.”

 

Hunk shook his head, standing, tears falling down his face, “No, I can’t do this!” He shouted, startling everyone. “I know who he loves. He didn’t want me to say anything, but I’m not going to let him die.”

 

“What? Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” Coran asked, looking hopeful.

 

“I promised him I wouldn’t.” Hunk sniffled, then turned a very un-Hunk-like glare on Shiro and Keith. “He’s in love with both Shiro and Keith. That’s why there’s two types of flowers. He’s been falling for you two practically since we all got launched into space and landed on Arus. Maybe even longer!” He let out a sob as Keith and Shiro stared at him, dumbfounded. Coran’s expression fell, suddenly aware that his hope was likely misplaced. “Please, do something. Anything. Consider it, or find a way to convince him to have the surgery, whatever you can do. I can’t lose my best friend! Not like this, not when you two could do something!” 

 

It was silent in the room then, aside from Hunk’s crying. Everyone turned to look at Shiro and Keith. 

 

After a few seconds Shiro spoke, “I… You all go ahead and talk to him. Keith and I… we need to discuss some things.” Though they hesitated, the others listened, leaving Keith and Shiro alone. 

 

“Shiro…” Keith said, turning to his boyfriend with tear filled eyes. “I… we… we can’t lose him.”

 

“The only thing that can save him right now is either the surgery, or us reciprocating his love.” Shiro stated, wiping at his face before looking down into Keith’s eyes. “We don’t have a lot of time to figure this out. So let’s just come right out with it.”

 

Keith nodded, looking down at his shoes.

 

“How do you feel about Lance?” Shiro asked.

 

“I… I think… I do feel something… something that’s more romantic than not.” Keith admitted.

 

“Is it similar to how you feel about me?”

 

Keith paused, considering it, then nodded, “Yes.” He met Shiro’s gaze.

 

“Is it for certain? It needs to be real.”

 

“I… it is.” Keith shook his head, wiping away tears that were forming. “I just never thought he would like me too. He had that silly rivalry thing. And I love you as well… but, I feel like he’s meant to be with us too.” Keith stopped realizing he was wasting time, he looked up to Shiro “How do you feel about him?”

 

Shiro took a deep breath and thought about it as well. “When I think about him, I feel a lot like how I feel when I think about you.”

 

“Like it? So is that enough? Is that even an answer?” Keith asked.

 

“I…” Shiro sighed then smiled softly at him, “I do, I love him as well. Maybe we are all meant to be.” 

 

Keith let a smile form as well, “Then…”

 

“Then we can save him.” Shiro nodded, grinning as Keith hugged him out of happiness. They held each other for a minute, gathering their strength before they let go and walked into the med bay towards Lance’s bed. 

 

No one looked up, the only sound in the room were the sounds of crying. 

 

“Lance,” Keith said, walking over, “Lance, we love you too. We-” he stopped, staring at the peaceful look on Lance’s face. The way his eyes seemed to be staring too far off at nothing at all, the flowers surrounding his head. Iris and gladiolus blooms that represented Shiro and Keith surrounded him, some still on his lips. “We… Wake up, Lance... No….” Keith looked at the panel nearby that should have had Lance’s vitals and heartbeat, but only showed a flat line, he let out a choked sob. 

 

“Lance…” Shiro reached towards him, brushing a piece of hair away from his face. “We’re too… we’re too late?” He felt his world tilt when he looked at Hunk who nodded solemnly. 

 

Keith was shaking, “Can’t you do something!? Shock him? Bring him back enough for us to tell him!? Did you even try? Why didn’t you call us!?” He sobbed, getting hysterical as he turned on Coran.

 

Coran just shook his head, “We tried, but nothing worked.” He even did a scan to prove to Keith that there was nothing they could do. “He was like a son to me… I can still hardly believe it myself. We’re just… it was just too late.” Coran said, breaking down. He quickly excused himself from the room, Allura following him shortly after. 

 

Keith let out a pained yell, turning and thumping against Shiro’s chest. Vaguely Shiro heard Keith cough a bit then grow quiet before the crying started again. But Shiro couldn’t feel a thing, he wrapped his arms around Keith to pull him close as he stared at Lance’s blue eyes that had just so recently been filled with life. The same face that belonged to the one he had been afraid to admit the truth to. The too still body that belonged to someone he loved, that will never be the Lance he knew ever again. 

 

Because Lance was gone.

 

Lance was dead.

 

He felt a strange sensation in the back of his throat, coughing he tensed when he pulled his hand away with a bloom.

 

A single red poppy.


	2. Red Poppy Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath and the letters Lance wrote. Even I was tearing up as I was writing this. You can thank my wonderful Beta Reader for helping talk me out of making it more sad. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and all your support! :)

The castle was quiet for a long time, no one wanted to try and go back to normal. No one wanted to smile or joke, it would make Lance’s absence too obvious. It would hurt the fresh wounds far too much, more than anyone would be able to handle.

They had noticed the red poppies that Keith and Shiro had coughed up right after Lance had passed. They had feared the worst, they ran countless tests.

That was all that had come from it.

Two red poppies.

That’s all that was left besides the memory.

Needless to say, Shiro and Keith had pressed their flowers to preserve them.

Finally, it had to be done. Hunk was the first to step up, he was the first to go through Lance’s things. There wasn’t much, no one exactly had time to pack a bag while they were being wormholed into a completely different galaxy, and saving the universe didn’t leave too much time for shopping. 

He found the journal under Lance’s pillow. It was another day before he could bring himself to open it. He was surprised that Lance had actually taken his advice, even more surprised when the journaling turned into letters addressed to everyone on the team. He wiped some of the tears from his vision, and started to read the one addressed to him.

_Hunk,_

_You’re my best friend in the whole universe. I don’t know if I can ever express just how much that means to me. You’ve always been there through thick and thin. From sneaking out with me at the garrison even when you hated every second of it, to comforting me when my family members got sick… and when I got sick. You were right and I knew you were the second it left your mouth, because you’re an absolute genius and you are always right._

_I should have listened to you, I know you’re probably mad at me for leaving you in space. It means so much to me that you listened to my ridiculous wish to not tell anyone. More than you will ever know, than I can ever explain. I really didn’t want to leave, Hunk, you know that. I wanted nothing more than to return to Earth with you and go to Veradero beach with everyone, you and Shay living next door, me and-_

There were some scribbles here, and Hunk noticed the specks of blood and a petal sized smear on the page now. 

_-anyway… You’re one of the hardest people to leave. I’m going to miss you so much, Hunk. Please don’t be mad. I know you have Shay and you and Pidge can geek out with each other. I’m counting on you, buddy. I need you to help everyone move on._

_You’re the only one who can. Whenever I think of you you’re so… you’re a ray of sunshine that can cut through any darkness. It’s like you told me when I lost my dog. It’s hard to think about it now, and it’s hard to believe, but life’s going to go on. You will all move on, and it might hurt, and it might always hurt, but all we have in the end are memories._

_My memories of you are the best memories anyone can ask for. Thank you so much, Hunk. Thank you so much for being my friend. I love you. I wish I had more words to express exactly how much you mean to me, but there’s not enough languages or pages in the galaxy to write it down. You’re amazing Hunk. I’m missing you already, and I’ll miss you after I… wherever I end up after my body dies._

_Goodbye, Hunk._  
Your buddy,  
Lance. 

Hunk was sobbing freely, clutching the journal to his chest, blubbering out incoherent words he was hoping against all odds would reach Lance. 

That’s how Coran found him. “Yellow Paladin, what-?” Hunk shook his head and handed him the journal, wiped furiously at his own tears and left the room. “Hmm? What’s this?” Coran stared at the strange language then took it with him, taking it to a translating device so he could read it. 

He soon found out why Hunk was so upset. Then he found the letter Lance had written him, taking care not to read the letters to the other members of team Voltron out of respect. 

_Coran,_

_I don’t even know if you can read this, or if you have someone else reading it, or if anyone will even find this. You and the Princess probably have a crazy futuristic alien gadget though, so… I’m not going to lie, there’d be no point. Pride and whatever means nothing when you’re gone. You were like a father to me, Coran. I know me and the others would joke around and call you our crazy uncle, but…_

_Well, the day in the observation deck, when I was homesick and you came to check on me. You didn’t even bother to sugar coat it, and I was upset, sure. But I was so grateful you were there for me. You reminded me of my parents ever since that day. Taking care of all of us, always there when we needed to talk, knowing just what to say._

_You helped make us a family, a weird family flying through space, but still a family. Even if none of us ever said it, it means so much, you do so much, and I can’t thank you enough. I wish I could have taken you back to Earth, to meet my family, to show you rain that doesn’t try and kill you with flying fire rocks. My family would have loved you. You do so much, Coran, you mean so much. I hope you don’t hold it against me for not telling you who, but if you haven’t already found out you can ask Hunk. I had my reasons, I wish I didn’t even have to write this, but it’s what I want... more or less._

_Thank you, Coran, you made the coldness of space so much warmer._  
I’ll miss you,  
Lance. 

Coran sniffled, and had to take more than a few moments to compose himself before he thought to take the journal to someone else. He walked around the castle aimlessly, trying to decide who, when he came across Pidge. Coran noticed that the smallest paladin was starting to look even tinier and made a mental note to make them eat more. Unsure of how to bring up the subject, and not really wanting to talk about it anyway, he set the journal in front of Pidge and walked away without a word.

Pidge was so engrossed in what she was doing, having thrown herself into work to distract from the emotions running rampant in her skull. It took about ten minutes until she noticed the journal. She looked around and frowned, picking it up and reading it. 

She realized from the somehow messy yet neat scrawl that it was Lance’s journal. After scanning some of the pages she turned and saw some of the letters, then wasted no time in finding the one meant for her. Hoping for some sort of closure.

_Pidge,_

_Pidge, Katie, Pidgeon, Evil Genius… I’ve called you so many things since I met you at the garrison. I never got the chance to tell you what I called you in my head. You have always been like a little sister. Or I guess when I thought you were a boy I thought of you as a little brother. Sorry about that, by the way. I had no idea. I guess I’m not observant. That doesn’t change how much I care for you though. I’m so jealous of Matt, he has the best little sister in the galaxy. Don’t tell my siblings though, they’ll be so mad. ;)_

Pidge couldn’t help but snort out a little laugh, even when he wasn’t here Lance was a goofball.

That thought sobered her up a little.

_Anyway, I really hope you find your family. I can’t imagine how it must feel, it feels so bad to just be homesick. Don’t give up, they’re out there, Pidge. I know it. Just like I know you’ve already figured out who I liked, and how you’re probably frustrated and mad that I refused to tell them. I’m sorry, but it’s what I wanted. I hope you’ll never have to understand, but I hope you trust me enough to understand my reasoning._

_I’m going to miss you, you little genius. I want you to know how much it meant to have you around when my family was so far away. I consider you my family, all of you, but I know you hate this mushy garbage._

Pidge noticed some scribbles before garbage, and smiled softly knowing Lance had probably written a few curse words before thinking about it. 

_It won’t stop me from saying this… Thank you so much for being there, for being around, for putting up with me stealing your things, for somehow getting me Earth music when I was homesick. For being you. You’re so brilliant and amazing, and I know you’re going to save the universe, just try not to take it over. I’m going to miss you little pidgeon._

_You’re the best little sister anyone could ask for,_  
Thank you so much,  
I’ll miss you,  
Lance. 

Pidge was crying, wiping her nose on her sleeves, but smiling softly at the memory of Lance. Picturing Lance writing her this letter when he was hurting because he didn’t want to leave her without anything. “I miss you too, Lance.” She felt a little bit of closure, understood a little more, but it didn’t ease the pain like she had hoped. “I wish you knew how much of a brother you were to me.” 

A few more sniffles and she got up to go find Hunk. He was already crying next to a project he was working on, or pretending to work on. When he saw her he opened his arms and they cuddled together and cried. 

That’s how Allura found them, she was concerned, but when she tried to get an answer they only handed her the journal. 

Confused she went to find a translator so she could read it. She found her letter.

_Princess Allura,_

_I don’t know where to start… I’ll start with I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you guys, I’m sorry I didn’t let things get fixed, I’m sorry I was always flirting and annoying you. I’m sorry if you ever thought for a second it was your fault. None of this was your fault. Hunk can tell you more if you haven’t found out. You don’t deserve that guilt, you’re too amazing, and have so much on your plate and so much on your shoulders. I’m so sorry, Allura._

_I wish I had the time to talk to you and tell you, but I don’t. I just have this. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t what you thought a paladin should be, I never acted the part of one, didn’t even contribute much… I just want you to know… I love you, not like that, not like these flowers in my lungs would disappear with, but like a sister or a best friend._

_I wish we could have been closer, had more time to actually hang out and be friends. Real friends. Princess, you are so strong. The strongest person I know, and not just physically. (Although you’re so strong and it’s so cool, and I’m gonna miss you and all your badassery) You do so much, and you’ve done so much._

_Allura, I’m just some annoying earthling with funny shaped ears to you, just another paladin… but I’d to ask you for a couple of things. One is for you to be happy, let loose, have fun, you’re a princess yes, but you’re also young. It’s partly why I was always flirting with you. Trying to make you laugh. You of all people deserve happiness. The other thing might be harder._

_I’m likely gone by the time you’re reading this… So I want you to be strong for everyone. We look up to you, you and Shiro-_

Allura noticed a red speck by the name and saw a few others around the page. Her frown deepened and she continued on reading.

_-you and Shiro are our leaders, we look up to you for guidance. I just want you to be strong for them, help them move on._

_You’re so amazing, Allura._  
Stay Strong,  
Lance. 

Allura sniffled, wiping a tear from her eye. She looked out the window to the stars, “I miss you, Lance, but I will stay strong.” She whispered. 

“Did you say something?” Keith asked, turning in the seat Allura hadn’t noticed him sitting in. 

“Wh- Keith!” Allura jumped, “N-nothing… I just-” She looked at the book in her hands and smiled sadly at it. She walked towards Keith, “Here… I think you should look at this.” 

Keith stared at her in confusion as she handed him the book and walked away. He waited until she left to open it. He read a few lines and realized it was Lance’s journal. He flipped some pages and saw his name, recognized it as a letter to him, and then snapped the book shut. 

He went to his room and locked the door, staring at the journal in his hands for a long time before throwing it on his nightstand and curling up to grieve. 

It was a few days before he could bring himself to read it.

_Keith,_

_I’m sorry, Keith. I could have stopped this, but I wanted this, it’s better than the alternative. Please understand…_

Keith’s brown furrowed, there were several lines of crossed out text, there was also a lot of a rusty red color splattered on the pages. He didn’t want to think much more about what it was so he continued to read.

_I’m sorry I just don’t know how to say all the things I want to say… It started as… It was never a rivalry. You were never the enemy, you were just so much better, you are better than I could ever hope to deserve. I’m sorry for the rivalry, for the competitions, for egging you on. For criticizing your mullet to try and deny how much I wanted to run my hands through it and stare into your distressingly beautiful eyes. I just wanted any attention I could possibly get from you. I’m sorry for wanting you so much. I’m sorry I was in love with you and with Shiro._

_You two are so perfect, and I don’t want either of you to feel bad about this. This was not your fault, it was only my fault. I fell in love, I fell so hard. I fell so hard flowers started sprouting in my heart._

_I’m sorry, I don’t know, and I’ll never know. I’m gone, but if you ever find this I want you to know why I chose this, why I never said anything and swore those who knew to secrecy. I didn’t want the surgery. I couldn’t bear the thought of forgetting everything about you and Shiro. Even our bonding moment, and I’m sorry about pretending I didn’t remember, I cherish that moment I could never forget it. I didn’t want to forget. And I didn’t want to tell._

_Telling you would mean… admitting this was all real. It would mean rejection, I can feel the blossoms when I even think about it. I know if you both rejected me it would mean the end then and there. It could also mean that one of you might feel bad about returning feelings, it would mean making you two unhappy to make me happy. I can’t do that to either of you, I love you both too much to put you through that. The chances both of you like me are practically zero so I won’t even bother explaining that._

Keith swore and had to look away, fist clenching as he took a few steadying breaths. After a few moments he continued to read.

_I did this because I was selfish. Because I love you both and I wanted more time with you, and Shiro, and all the others. I don’t want you to blame yourself, this was all me. Every petal, every breath that hurt, every single one was worth the slow struggle. Besides I think it’s a beautiful way to go._

_I’m so sorry, Keith. I love you so so much, and I’m gone, and there’s a million things I want to tell you, but I still need room for Shiro’s letter. Just know you kept me going, that I chose this._

_I love you,  
Lance._

It took a lot to make Keith cry, but this had him sobbing. “Damn it, Lance!” He shouted, throwing the journal towards the door with a wail. The door slid open to let Shiro in. 

Shiro looked down and picked up the journal, cautiously walking over to sit on the bed. “Hey… what’s wrong?” 

“I- he-... Fuck!” Keith smashed a pillow to his face and cried openly as Shiro rubbed his back patiently. “That.” His muffled voice finally came out as he gestured to the journal. 

Shiro looked at it and then to Keith, “A book?”

“No!” Keith lowered the pillow, “Not a book, it’s is journal!” He cried, “He-... read… you have… there’s an entry for you…”

“Me?” Shiro said, suddenly looking almost scared as he stared at the journal. “I-... do you need any-”

“Go read it…” Keith shook his head, “Just… go… read…”

Shiro stared at him for a little then sighed and stood, he thought he heard a cough but wasn’t sure, “Okay, I’ll be in my room if you need me.” With that he left Keith to cry as he went to his room. He had thought the team was starting to heal, that he was able to think about it too. This just reminded him that avoiding the subject altogether was not healing, it was nowhere close. No amount of battles or distractions would help this feel any better. They had to face this. Ruefully he looked at the book, even when Lance was gone he was giving the team what they needed to feel better. He locked his door and sat down with a heavy heart, already feeling the tears fall down his face. Steeling himself he took a deep breath and found his letter. Like Keith he tried to ignore what the stains and the scribbles meant.

_Shiro,_

_You’ll never see this unless I’m gone. So this is almost everything I’ve never told you. This is the only letter where I know where to start. You’ve been my hero for a very long time. You’re strong, smart, brave, the garrison golden boy, traveling to the stars when I was barely even able to comprehend that as a possibility for me. A lofty, unobtainable, untouchable hero._

_I know why they say “don’t ever meet your heroes”. I learned it the hard way, sneaking out to find a alien ship wreck, Keith already there rescuing you. My hero, scarred, hair a little different, and a lot more tired than any picture showed. But I shook your galra arm, and something changed. Oh how it changed. Not like… not like that, you were still my hero, but you were tangible, you were there, you were shaking my hand and staring me in the eyes. Still so perfect, you've always been perfect to me. Don’t meet your heroes… because sometimes you fall in love._

_It wasn’t instant, it wasn’t like the movies. It happened fast, but it wasn’t instant. We were in space, fighting side by side, bonding… I was falling for you, and I was falling for Keith at the same time._

_I’m so sorry._

_I tried it all. I flirted, I distracted myself… It was obviously not enough. My hero was no longer just a hero. You were there, right there. I know I was never the best, and you’ve been annoyed with me more times than not… but even your scolding was better than nothing. I was taking what I could get. I’m sorry, it was selfish, I shouldn’t have-..._

_Don’t blame yourself, Shiro, and don’t blame Keith. Don’t blame anyone else. This was me, all me. I can’t help you form Voltron, I can’t be there to break the tension after a mission… I’m gone because of my own decisions. I fell in love with you and Keith. I couldn’t lose the memory of either of you, so the surgery wasn’t going to happen._

_I couldn’t tell you. You two were together, so much could go wrong. You know this. I couldn’t just get rejected and forced into the surgery either… I knew that if either or both of you rejected me outright it would be the end then and there. The flowers bloomed at the mere passing thought of it. Shiro, I wish you and Keith all of the best that the universe has to offer, you two are the most wonderful people in the universe and you deserve all the happiness. Don’t let this bring you down. I love you so much, Shiro, so so much._

His chest felt so heavy, yet like he could breathe again. Shiro wiped at his face and saw the very last part was written on the back binding of the cover. Lance had run out of space.

_There’s so much I want to tell all of you. There’s so much I wish would have happened, so much I wish I could do. I wish I had the courage to tell you that your weakness shows so much strength, that your scars are beautiful, that your arm does not make you any different. That I loved you more than you could ever know. More than I have the space to write. I’m so sorry._

_Please forgive me._  
I love you.  
Lance. 

Shiro felt the tears falling freely as his breath got caught in a sudden cough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I purposely left Shiro and Keith's coughing vague. You decide how that ends. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Red Poppies are a flower that is commonly a symbol of remembrance, it also stands for peace, rest, and eternal sleep.
> 
> I am considering writing an epilogue dealing with the letters Lance wrote and the red poppies that Shiro and Keith coughed up. Let me know in the comments if you're interested.
> 
> Kudos, comments, and bookmarks are always very very appreciated. 
> 
> P.S. I might make a collection with these. Covering other pairings as well.


End file.
